...and all I got was this cuneiform pictograph weighing 16 tons

As per usual, I rode a bicycle 30 miles to take these pictures with an inferior camera phone so you won't have to. All I ask in return is a 16 ton cuneiform pictograph. I do not think this is too much to ask. (No, you're wrong, it actually isn't too much to ask. Your corner convenience store has two 16 ton cuneiform pictographs on isle four and they are practically giving them away. It seems the demand was not as great as they anticipated.)

Let me actually begin by giving you the finest unpaid bicycling advice you, personally, have received today. Go to the Evergreen bookstore and buy some visorgogs. Why? Because fall is the season when filth flies through the air -- and if you're riding down the road in the open air, the above-mentioned filth will hit you in the face. I don't know the nature of the filth that flies through the air and hits you in the face, I just know this is the season for it. You can thank me for this free advice with the other 16 ton cuneiform pictograph, enabling me to finally complete my 16 ton cuneiform pictograph collection.


This is an ant hill. And this is the king of the ants. That's a real anthill. Those are real ants. Thus, I have no reason not to believe this is the real king of the ants.


I'm pretty sure I remember this guy from high school, but I'm terrible with faces.


This is the invisible hand of the market hoarding all the pens. The hand that controls the writing instruments is beholden to the conglomerated ink suppliers. It is a vicious and dirty circle.


This is man emerging from the wilderness to apply for a high interest payday loan.


These are the ladies of the lake. I don't need to tell you about the ladies of the lake.


This is an easy chair made of concrete. We have come so far. Your ancestors, simple as they were, used to sit on rocks.


Nudity was invented for art. Not a lot of people know this -- or rather, I should say, understand this. Before Art, there actually was no concept of nudity.