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Submitted by Rob Richards on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 3:38pm.
Parks, Terrie Lee, 47, Olympia, died Sunday, Jan. 27, 2008, at home.
I met Terrie four years ago when I began my time at Bread and Roses, and have been friends with her to this day. Every time we would see each other on the street we would give each other a big hug and talk for a while. Terrie always wore way too much perfume. If you’ve ever known someone who does, you know that the person “stays with you” for the rest of the days after you hug them. It was worth it though just to see the joy she got from that intimate human contact, something her life, for the most part, had been devoid of. The journey that Terrie and I went on was one that I’ll never forget. She touched my life so profoundly that I’ll never do justice to it with words. I’ll try my best. Terrie suffered from severe mental illness, out of respect I will not go into detail. When she was on meds, she was just fine and pleasant to be around, when not, it was sometimes impossible to be near her. I’ve seen Terrie, sat with her, held her; through all of the various stages of the mental illness roller-coaster. We’d make some real progress toward getting her off of the streets and then she would fall back into drugs and disappear from my life. This pattern repeated itself many times over the last four years. Each time she fell, it seemed to be worse on her. Her health was declining rapidly and she was in need of a warm dry place to recover. I can’t remember the number of times I’ve held her in my arms and comforted her after she had been violently attacked on the streets or brutally raped. I remember countless times screaming on the phone to the police that they need to do something and getting the “shit happens on the streets, we have more important cases to solve than the rape of some homeless woman” line. I remember the last time she was raped, and how much it hurt me to hear her describe it so matter-of-factly, as if she had gotten on the bus, or eaten a meal. The streets had been so tough on her that she was getting used to it. Being raped was no longer a thing that made her cry, it was just life. A little over a year ago, things really got good for Terrie. She and I and other advocates worked with her to get her into housing. She met a man and fell in love with him and he took good care of her. He was everything she deserved, and she deserved everything. She stayed housed with her man until she passed, so I think she found some peace at the end. Sometimes in this work, people die. Sometimes it’s people that you love very much. After hearing about Terrie’s death, I got to thinking that a lot of the time, in this line of work, death comes as a great relief, in a way. In a lot of cases it signifies the end of great suffering for a person, whether that be from addiction, mental illness, or a million other causes. Terrie’s suffering had ended, she was at peace, and Terrie was experiencing a happiness that I don’t think she’d ever known. She found love and safety. She deserved to live to a hundred for the years of pain that she endured, but at least she got to taste peace before she died. A memorial service will be held for Terrie at the Bread and
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Now I'm all teared up
Submitted by Guglielmo on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 3:44pm.Very Profound
Submitted by JstPlnOnry on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 3:45pm.I'm sorry for your loss.
I can't imagine what all Terrie must of gone through and how horrible it was but you honored her with beautiful sentiment. I'm grateful she experienced love and happiness before her passing as well.
I am a wobbly at heart. Always have been. Think I always will be. - Olyblogger "Mike"
Thanks, Rob
Submitted by Anonymously Larry on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 3:47pm.A reminder that when I whine, my life is really pretty good in retrospect.
great story
Submitted by PeaceCompass on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 4:08pm.Thanx Rob, for being there for Terri. It takes a lot of heart and courage to be a continuous presence in someones life like that with so much to deal with. She did find peace at the end.
For about five years I worked with people that were mentally ill. Met some of the most interesting, funny, loving, unique individuals you could imagine. After almost a year of working we had a few deaths and suicides. Conditions in my agency continued to deteriate with a noticable effect on staff and clients. Employee turnover increased. I stuck it out for far to long there, because I knew after I left, the environment I was holding up would further collapse. A few months after I did I learned that one of the residents, an artist I admired greatly, took his own life. Fittingly he chose a beautiful place to do it.
I'm sorry to hear this. You
Submitted by Merwyn Haskett on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 3:50pm.Condolescences
Submitted by OlyDowntowner on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 4:15pm.?!
Submitted by rebecca on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 4:18pm.More important things to investigate than rape?! Like what?
Murder, kidnapping. (Those are about all I can think of ---- kidnapping because you have someone in iminant risk who might be able to be spared further suffering from the investigation, and in some cases may be raped or murdered if the situation isn’t resolved in time. Murder, because, well, it’s murder: the ultimate crime. But really, rape is right up there if you ask me!)
So do they mean to say they have more serious crimes or more important victims?
Sorry for your pain Rob
Submitted by Norm on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 5:44pm.I'm really very sorry to
Submitted by OperaGirl on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 6:11pm.I'm really very sorry to hear about your loss.
Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life. ~Ludwig van Beethoven
Rob, thank you for remembering her to us.
Submitted by enpen on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 7:09pm.remembering terrie
Submitted by Thomas 27 on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 7:14pm.I remember Terrie
Submitted by paisleyboxers on Fri, 02/01/2008 - 4:36pm.She engaged an office full of interns to learn how incredibly important it is to share compassion and hold people with dignity.
Knowing Terrie was very profound for me, and because I was lucky enough to know her, that memory will never relinquish.
Friendblog: None are known to exist since bloggers don't have friends.
Thank you for sharing this
Submitted by Chia on Fri, 02/01/2008 - 4:34pm.One wonders
Submitted by security_six on Fri, 02/01/2008 - 9:57pm.What it would take to make sexual abuse of homeless and mentally ill people an important enough topic for law enforcement to pay attention. I am sorry to hear of your loss, and dearly hope she found peace at the end...
I have a lot of conflicting emotions reading your post, from sadness to great anger.
Your friend should have recieved equal treatment under the law and she did not. I think if you ever run across a similar case find a lawyer. And let me know if there will be any money needed up front for a consultation or to get the ball rolling, I'll chip in and help you organize a fundraiser. This is (insert four letter word of choice here) unnacceptable to hear of in modern Western Society...
I pray she is finally and justly at peace.
One loves to posess arms, though they hope to never have occassion for them.
Thomas Jefferson to George Washington 1796
I was upset
Submitted by rebecca on Sat, 02/02/2008 - 12:21am.I was upset by the lack of concern about a rape case, too. Perhaps partly reacting as a woman, to the idea that some women in this country would not receive protection or concern when their rights are so severely violated.
I wonder if coolloberating with sexual violence and women’s advocacy groups would have helped.
On the one hand, yes this is a homelessness issue. But it’s also I women’s rights issue. Maybe if the police heard from a lot of women in the community (including non-homeless women) that this kind of violence against women should always be responded strongly to, maybe they would do something about it.
unfortunately, they won't
Submitted by a.future.with.n... on Sat, 02/02/2008 - 12:09pm.the police are not here to help you and me. they are here to enforce property law. thats why we have such a rigid and reenforced judicial process involving civil suits and crimes against property, but have a flimsy and weak system to protect crimes against the person.
if you've ever had the sickening opportunity to report a rape to OPD (which i've had to do three times for my work) you'd find them rude, callous and uninterested. these aren't just "alleged" reports. I'm talking about straight from the hospital, biological evidence and everything. none, and I mean NONE of the cases were investigated. no charges brought. no follow up. nothing.
I worked with safeplace, the eastside women's clinic, the crisis center, BHR and a number of other groups about these incidents and the fact that the police response was not simply nothing, but a lack of respect on top of that is not surprising to anyone.
this is because the police are not here to protect us. stable families with steady incomes help drop domestic violence statistics. functioning mental health systems that everyone can access help prevent and heal rapes and housing stops homelessness. If the police cared about you, or were even institutionally structured to help society, they would incorporate these tactics.
but they're not. they protect property. the job of fixing society is left to under staffed under funded non profits and looked upon as "charity work". Just look at the miserable failure that is the war on drugs. when ever the police or the judicial system try to pretend that they protect individuals they just end up causing more pain, more social destruction.
I knew terrie really well. I ate lunch with her not three weeks ago. she seemed fine. she said the cancer was making her tired but other than that she was okay. she said she'd come visit me at work. I still haven't found a way to process this. maybe this post was off topic and inappropriate, but it's honest. Terrie deserved a better life, as hundreds of thousands of people living in poverty do, but the police don't care. not even because they're "bad people". They're just people like you and me. they don't care because institutionally, as a whole, they're not supposed to.
It doesn't matter how many women talk to them. it just doesn't matter. and thats the really sick reality to all of this. not only did the police not help Terrie after the multiple times she was assaulted, but they hunted and persecuted her for being poor and without property while she was homeless.
i feel sick to my stomach about this. maybe i'm just lashing out because i'm upset. i don't even know if i'll post this. i don't want this thread to turn into some stupid debate about police. if people are interested in discussing this, lets please do it somewhere else.
i want to reiterate that i am not claiming that police, as individuals, are bad people who want to hurt people like terrie, although sometimes thats true for some individuals. I'm claiming the the police and judicial system have a flimsy means of protecting individuals because their primary purpose is to protect and enforce property law. that this oversight has a human consequence and when discussing the life a person like terrie, it's dishonorable to their memory to just ignore.
Different thread guys
Submitted by Norm on Sat, 02/02/2008 - 3:26pm.it's like a wake
Submitted by enpen on Sat, 02/02/2008 - 3:46pm.As it's pretty apparent that a.future.with.no.future knew Terrie and this thread is dedicated to Terrie I think it is a very respectful place for this comment. People grieve differently and I think we should make room for it.
"In principle, I am an anarchist. Kurt Vonnegut once said he was an agnostic who respects Jesus Christ. I am an anarchist who loves democracy." - Kenzaburo Oe
I wasn't trying to step on toes
Submitted by Norm on Sun, 02/03/2008 - 3:26pm.Thank you Rob
Submitted by Sarah on Sat, 02/02/2008 - 7:43am.Thank you
Submitted by agathafrye on Sun, 02/03/2008 - 11:22am.Thanks for posting this, Rob.
Submitted by Phil Owen on Sun, 02/03/2008 - 5:25pm.There are a few guests we had together at B&R who are not unlike family. I think Terrie was one of those. Someone who was always around and who we just figured would always be around. She could be a whole lot of fun, a real joy, and she could also be so very frustrating. I think the thing about family is that they are always welcome in every joyful and frustrating detail. Family is why home is what it is; the place from which one can never be turned away. B&R was that for Terrie.
Sometimes it is difficult to believe that there is goodness in the world when people like Terrie get left behind. And it is so disheartening when people like her die. All that we put in - not merely in terms of work but also in terms of personal commitment, bonds of friendship, love, and and all the energy and time spent worrying, spent wracking our brains about how to get her back on meds or into shelter or whatever - seems blown. And even if it made a big difference in the last year or two of Terrie's life, it sure does feel that the reward has reversed and that the world has gone right back into its horrible state of affairs, doesn't it?
Like you said, she deserved so much more. I don't particularly mind my own company, but it seems like such an insignificant gift to have offered to someone who deserved full inclusion, to be fully honored as a person by the whole of society... and who was not given what she deserved.
Somehow I think Terrie would disagree with me on all of this, though. If there was ever a person who was profoundly, even nauseatingly, grateful for her family at B&R, it was Terrie. She was pretty vocal about it when she was on meds. When she was off meds and incoherent, and sometimes difficult, she still showed her gratitude by her constant presence.
Terrie was particularly close to you, Rob. We all loved her, but you seemed to show the strongest commitment. And she recognized this too. I think I recall teasing you once or twice about the crush Terrie had on you at one time. It was kind of cute, but touching as well. It is probably true that you, who gave the most, are also hurting the most over Terrie's death. But you also have the most to be proud of.
The Canaanite's Call
thank you phil
Submitted by Rob Richards on Sun, 02/03/2008 - 10:57pm.I think the thing about
Submitted by Meta Hogan on Mon, 02/04/2008 - 8:24am.I think the thing about family is that they are always welcome in every joyful and frustrating detail. Family is why home is what it is; the place from which one can never be turned away. B&R was that for Terrie.
And has been that for hundreds of people. The work that you guys do is valuable because it is unquantifiable. Sure, you have stats of people housed, services accessed, etc. But what Phil put his finger on there is the most vital of the work you do--of the work that any of us do with each other, albeit on a smaller scale. We keep each other human. It's exhausting, disappointing, rewarding and keeps us human as well. Thank you.
I am very sorry to hear this
Submitted by Jade on Wed, 02/06/2008 - 12:35am.Jade