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Submitted by Sarah on Sat, 02/25/2006 - 3:27pm.

I don't remember if I am a spy, ally, or enemy of caimans at the moment. My confusion might be caused by the noxious fumes those scaly scamps regularly blow into my house. No matter, what is most important is that caimans dislike Nazis. Intensely.

Most likely this is a turf thing. Caimans are highly territorial and they will not stand for take over attempts of our/their community. (Don't ask Steve exactly -how- caimans were first introduced to Olympia, he takes it personally.)

Stand up for the right to have only one nemesis in Olympia. And for heaven's sake, when marching with caimans to protest the Nazis, wear a gas mask.

»

No! No! Caimans like Nazis --

No! No! Caimans like Nazis -- especially with sauerkraut and potatoes. Mmmmmmmmm, goooood.

»

See, I knew I forgot somethin

See, I knew I forgot something. I suppose I best check myself back into the re-education caimancamp.
»

If there is one thing Nazis a

If there is one thing Nazis and Jews can agree on, it's that Caimans are horrible people.
»

Please repeat that, slowly, i

Please repeat that, slowly, into the microphone.
»

I'll cut you.

I'll cut you.
»

Are caimans people? Or are th

Are caimans people? Or are they a symbol of what we loath of Olympia? Were caimans whispering into Bob Blume's ears in the 1960s, saying "Build South Sound Center... Actually, create your own city too. Call it Lacey."
»

No, but they definitely shout

No, but they definitely shouted, "Hey! Cut down the west side and build a big fucking mall that everyone will hate!"
»

Hmm, caimans come from South

Hmm, caimans come from South America, the same continent where many Nazis found a hiding place after WWII. While down there, Nazi scientists performed feindish experiments, and over generations developed a race of ubercaimans. But the animals became too smart and psychopathic to control. Also, they never learned to goose-step. So, this small number of caimans were put in crates and purchased, unwittingly, by yours truly, who failed to do research in Consumer Reports about buying caimans from Germans in South America. My intentions were good. Really. When I dumped them into Capitol Lake, I remember yelling, "Swim Wild! Be Free!" And I thought it would surely be a major tourist attraction for Olympia and the good for the local economy. Then, they had to swim close to the USNS Fisher, get a dose of radiation, and attain opposable thumbs. Now we are all screwed.

Oops.

»

Please repeat that one more t

Please repeat that one more time for the record.
»

Hmm, caimans come from South

Hmm, caimans come from South America, the same continent where many Nazis found a hiding place after WWII. While down there, Nazi scientists performed feindish experiments, and over generations developed a race of ubercaimans. But the animals became too smart and psychopathic to control. Also, they never learned to goose-step. So, this small number of caimans were put in crates and purchased, unwittingly, by yours truly, who failed to do research in Consumer Reports about buying caimans from Germans in South America. My intentions were good. Really. When I dumped them into Capitol Lake, I remember yelling, "Swim Wild! Be Free!" And I thought it would surely be a major tourist attraction for Olympia and the good for the local economy. Then, they had to swim close to the USNS Fisher, get a dose of radiation, and attain opposable thumbs. Now we are all screwed.

Oops.

»

*Sounds of muffled screaming

*Sounds of muffled screaming - deep voice shouts "Caiman Power!" - screaming ceases*
»

Do caimans appreciate the div

Do caimans appreciate the diverting influence of the Nazi presence?
»

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