All about caimans

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All about caimans

Submitted by Rick on Thu, 12/08/2005 - 9:25pm.

The BPOC would like to take this opportunity to initiate an open thread (for discussion of caiman-related topics), and to make a special announcement: The BPOC is proud to sponsor the Exercise like an Amphibian Training program. Has your child been putting on a few to many pounds? Eaten more than his or her fair share of cheeseburgers? Didn't know when to stop with the crispy creams? The EAT program will take the pounds off so fast, your child may be just skin and bones by the time we're done. Please contact our human liaison, stevenl, for more details.

Caiman Awareness Response Tea

Submitted by Sarah on Thu, 12/08/2005 - 10:00pm.

Caiman Awareness Response Team, Local - Olympia #1, is pleased to announce weekly trainings, available immediately. Date, time, and location are all accessible only through contact with a C.A.R.T. member. Scuba gear is required.

I categorically deny all asso

Submitted by stevenl on Thu, 12/08/2005 - 10:19pm.

I categorically deny all association with this dubious enterprise. Well, "dubious" is a charitable term. I will admit coming up with the concept of releasing caimans into Capitol Lake, but I will freely confess I made a big mistake in endorsing the idea of this invasive species as a tourist attraction. That's what this old civil servant gets for making a stab at capitalism. Actually, "imperialistic species" is a better term, which might explain why they are finding great success as lobbyists up at the Leg. Building. Meanwhile, if you see any suspicious ripples in the lake-- beware!

That "concept" included the a

Submitted by Sarah on Thu, 12/08/2005 - 10:25pm.

That "concept" included the actual act of dumping evil toothy monsterous caimans into our pristine tranquil Capitol Lake. I ask the world, does "Oops!" count as a defense?

#54, Local - Olympia #1, C.A.R.T.

Er, I, uh, could've done the

Submitted by stevenl on Thu, 12/08/2005 - 10:40pm.

Er, I, uh, could've done the normal guy thing, like Bush did in Iraq, and shift my eyes a lot and claim, "I meant to do that." But, hey, I made a mistake. I was wrong. I'm sorry. OK? Caimans are running amok throughout the sleazier greater Olympia area and I'm the one responsible for it. So shoot me, it'll be a big favor. I feel terrible about this. I'll need therapy for the rest of life. All I can do to absolve my guilt is spread the word and enlighten others about the danger that lurks just below the wafer thin veneer of "normal" existence in Olympia. Caimans walk among us. They like money. They like power. They like tobacco. They like eating your small pets and chomping on your limbs. When the Legislature is back in session they will be easier to spot. And they can operate with equal ease in both of the major political parties, so be alert.

I heard a giant sucking sound

Submitted by Robert Whitlock on Thu, 12/08/2005 - 11:33pm.

I heard a giant sucking sound when I was walking around capitol lake recently. Was it a giant mutant caiman feasting on the plentiful lake shore fowl? Or was it more insidious - the far off sound of lobbyists bank accounts being credited for services rendered?! eeek. I also noticed quite a film of slime on the water's surface. yuck.

The two key words in there ar

Submitted by stevenl on Thu, 12/08/2005 - 11:42pm.

The two key words in there are "insidious" and "slime." Legislative session is about to start. It will be a caiman jamboree! Ruthless, carnivorous, opportunistic! I would avoid walking around the lake for a bit.

What did I scare everyone off

Submitted by Robert Whitlock on Sun, 12/11/2005 - 11:04pm.

What did I scare everyone off? Or have the BPOC, the CART and other caiman related interest groups simply gone undercover?

I think that I felt better when I had ya'll where I could see you.

We at CART are currently enga

Submitted by Sarah on Sun, 12/11/2005 - 11:14pm.

We at CART are currently engaged in mapping the Olympia underworld. Do not be alarmed if you see glowing sewer covers. No radioactive devices are employed. (Yet.)

We take note of the fact that the sly enemy has removed the visual from this site. Most likely hoping that out of sight will mean out of mind. We've been accused of being out of our minds, but trust us, the caiman threat is worse than any of us can possibly fear.

Remember, it is better to fear the unknown than to know the fear.

"Ditto" - especially the last

Submitted by Robert Whitlock on Sun, 12/11/2005 - 11:24pm.

"Ditto" - especially the last part!

I suspect their next move wil

Submitted by stevenl on Mon, 12/12/2005 - 6:31am.

I suspect their next move will be employing some sort of heating devices to keep Capitol Lake warm enough all year round for their tropical requirements. But that will be simply a short-range measure until their odious global warming master plan takes effect. Now you know why caimans appear to have that perpetual smile.

Spring Report

Submitted by Sarah on Fri, 03/24/2006 - 10:06pm.

Mapping of the Olympia underworld is complete. We can report that it is still under Olympia. As for caiman activity, fetid and otherwise, remember, the laughter you cause may be your own.

#54, Local - Olympia #1, C.A.R.T. [Code Vermillion]

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