Ba-bee-bop!: See Zip! Beee-yoooop! Beep! Beep! Ba-beep! Ba-bee-bop! Beep!

Ba-beep!: See Zip! Beee-yoooop! Beep! Beep! Ba-beep! Ba-bee-bop! Beep!

Ba-Zom: See Zzzz Boom! Boom Bam Ba-Zom

Bam!: A duck pounds his fist on a bar counter, demanding service from the bartender. (Mythic Residue (1978))
See also: Aargh! Gasp! Bam! Spit! Punch!
See also: Bonk! Bam!
See also: Wham Bam!
See also: Zzzz Boom! Boom Bam Ba-Zom

Bam Bam!: Arnie Wormwood pounds on the locked door of a nuclear missile silo to gain the attention of Kane Abelmann, the custodian who is locked inside. Kane mistakes the sound for that of the Devil. (Storm Warnings (1986))
See also: Wham Bam Bam!

Bam Bam Bam Cra-a-a-ck!: A tiny Morty Dog, who is poking up through a hole in the top of a head of a preacher, is observing a weird splinter group of Baptists worshipping the cremated ashes of Millard Fillmore. As Morty listens to the preacher violently denouncing the church across the street that worships Chester Alan Arthur, he pounds his canine paw and says, "This is sick, SICK, SICK!" and as his paw pounds, giant cracks appear and the preacher's entire outer shell falls apart, revealing his true, and frightening, self. (How Two Ex-Presidents Went Up My Nose! (1994))

Bang:
(1) Jobbo Jones, saddle tramp, opens fire on the McDowell Gang, "Reckon that'll hold 'em." (Mythic Residue (1978))
(2) The cartoonist shoots a self-inflicted harmless hole through his head by merely using his index finger as a gun. (One Normal Guy Talking With a Nut (1985))

Bang! Bang! Bang!: An Artnoid had his head run over by truck, causing brain damage, so now he is chained in someone's front yard, pulverizing the sidewalk with a hammer, thus creating this sound. (Bezango (1994))

Bang! Bang! Pow! K-Pow! Crash! Bash!: Terrorists storm into the Parvo Nakacheker Institute for Weapons Research in their attempt to steal the Z-33, the most destructive weapon on Earth. (Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))

Bang Thud: Angry Sasquatches striking the roof and walls of a cabin filled with prospectors, Mt. St. Helens, 1924. (Sasquatch Comix 3 (1983))

Bang! Thud! Bang! Thud! Jab!: A man is engaged in banging his head against the wall and swearing, "Rassin'" BANG! "Frassin'" THUD! "Rigger!" BANG! "Raggin'!" THUD! Meanwhile a little creature on the wall positions itself so that when the man's head comes down it JABs into it's spiked tail. The result is that the tail impales the forehead and emits mind control juice into the cranium of the hapless headbanger which in turn places the man under the control of the little creature. The little creature, protruding from the man's head, orders him around with no resistance. (Ultra Klutz 2 (1986))

Bash:
See Bang! Bang! Pow! K-Pow! Crash! Bash!
See Bend! Collide! Brunch! Crunch! Bash! Crash! Bump!
See Push! Grab! Bash Hit Rip Shred Smash Crash Fight
See Smash! Bash! Crash! Mash! Zip!

Beee-yoooop!: See Zip! Beee-yoooop! Beep! Beep! Ba-beep! Ba-bee-bop! Beep!

Beeeyooooooooo: See Blip Blip Blip Blip Blop Bl-Erk Beeeyooooooooo Click

Beep! Beep!: See Zip! Beee-yoooop! Beep! Beep! Ba-beep! Ba-bee-bop! Beep!

Beep Beep Beeyooop! Beep Beep Beeyooop! Beyooop! Beep Beep: Two employees of the Penguin helmet factory go through a routine battery of security checks as the arrive for work, including metal detectors, security card checks, x-rays, ploygraph tests, and having the lid of their craniums lifted and the contents of their brain inspected. (Cranium Frenzy 10 (2003))

Beeyooop!: See Beep Beep Beeyooop! Beep Beep Beeyooop! Beyooop! Beep Beep

Beeyoop!: A short-tempered right-wing nut named Rufus-Sided Thornbee went to a Morty Dog to fitted for a toupee. Morty "devised a toupee that had a tube connected to a key bloodvessel. This was designed so that when Rufus-Sided Thornbee erupted with hostility, his hairpiece would rise, spin around, and emit a loud comical noise (BEEYOOP!). He would literally flip his wig!" (This story is available in OlyBlog under "Steve's Comix") (Olympia (2004))

Bend! Collide! Brunch! Crunch! Bash! Crash! Bump!: A multitude of Morty Dogs with refrigerators stuck on their heads bump into each other. (Morty the Dog Who Walks Like a Man (1987))

Bink!: See Click! Bink!

Bink Bink Bink Bink: The sound of a Morty Dog attempting to use a touchtone telephone. (Open Stacks v30:3 (1984))

Bl-Erk: See Blip Blip Blip Blip Blop Bl-Erk Beeeyooooooooo Click

Blable! Blblb! Blgug! Gug! Gug!: Sounds made by a guy who was born with a toaster in his head during a period where "In my desolate desperation, I hid my head and hide from all humankind in a cave deep in the far reaching Himalayas. Years and years and years of self imposed solitary exile ate away at the solidity of my sanity. I gradually lost all touch with reality, graduating into insipid drippy nuttiness!" (Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))

Blam!:
(1) The Cat With The Ears Of A Dog shoots at moles with a gun for morning fun. (Stuff 14 (1989))
(2) Albert Presley, who is what would've happened if Albert Einstein and Elvis Presley got mixed up in the melting pot of fate, shoots a television when Dean Martin appears on the screen. (Fun in Acapulco (1982))
(3) Orville, a truck driver on the road near Starbuck, Washington, hits a porcupine and blows a tire. (Storm Warnings (1986))

Blam Blam!: The gunfire of prospectors firing at a Sasquatch, Mt. St. Helens, 1924 (Sasquatch Comix 3 (1983))

Blam Blam Blam: "The government produced sophisticated little bombs which were implanted in each cranium. The devices had sensors that could detect any 'impure' thoughts from the conscious mind-- at which time the bomb would detonate" The triple Blam was produced when three people had impure thoughts, "E=Mc2" "Why do we exist?" and "Is there an end to the universe?" (Cranium Frenzy 4 (1983))

Blam! Blam! Whap!: President Theodore Twist, who has lost his sanity, watches TV coverage of his last public appearance when he chased the Swedish delegation off the White House grounds with a shotgun ("Get offa my land, ya dang Swedish meatballs!" Blam! Blam!). While happily watching this news of himself, the President laughs and hits the top of his desk (Whap!) (Delayed Stress Syndrome Funnies (1982))

Blat!: The cartoonist blows his nose, looks at his handkerchief, and says, "They're still in there. [looks up at reader] Oh ... hello. Yes, they're still in there. Two ex-Presidents are up my nose." (How Two Ex-Presidents Went Up My Nose! (1994))
See also: Squirt! Pop! Pop! Poink! Poink! Sniff Blat! Sniff, Toss! Toss!

Blblb!: See Blable! Blblb! Blgug! Gug! Gug!

Bleet!: The President of the United States is now a circus clown and speaks to his aide: "Mr. Wright, you are a lucky witness to history! Our clown conspiracy of taking over every office of international power and ridding the world of nuclear weapons is complete! The world will finally be, at last, a fun place to live!!!" And to underline the point, the clown honks a little horn, BLEET! (Storm Warnings (1986))

Blgug!: See Blable! Blblb! Blgug! Gug! Gug!

Blik: See Swish Swish Swash Swak Swik Blik Blook Jab!

Blink!: See Whoosh! Crash! Zow! Bonk! Bonk! Smash! Zip! Zow! Zip! Skrash! Rrrrr-rrrr-sput-rrrr-sput Blink! Ka-rash!

Blip! Blip! Blip!:
(1) Radar picking up the crash course of a radioactive man with a giant deflated cranium descending at a rapid rate. (Big Picture Picture Book (1983))
(2) An alien lands in a Montana cow pasture in 1947. (Delayed Stress Syndrome Funnies (1982))
(3) In the waiting room of a New Hampshire boil drainer, a man wearing strange pajama type clothes plays with a joystick on a very early portable video game, actually-- before they existed in real life, and manipulates the other characters in the story. (End of the Earth and Turn Left (1985))

Blip Blip Blip Blip Blop Bl-Erk Beeeyooooooooo Click: A hospital life monitor goes flatline, so a medical worker turns the channel (Click) to the "13 O'Clock Movie." (Limbolympia (1983))

Blook: See Swish Swish Swash Swak Swik Blik Blook Jab!

Bloop!: See Gloop! Bloop!

Bloop! Ploop! Gloop!: In a strange alien land, humor is a physical substance bubbling (Bloop! Ploop! Gloop!) out of the potholes that pepper the surface. People can shape it into any form of humor they want. (Cranium Frenzy 5 (1985))

Blop: See Blip Blip Blip Blip Blop Bl-Erk Beeeyooooooooo Click

Blunk!: See Eeee Blunk! Eeeeeeee Rattle! Detour! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Boing!:
(1) A tiny Morty Dog enters the brain of the Wizard of TV through his ear. (Amused To No End (1986))
(2) A Morty Dog happily bouncing as heads to the local university to give a landmark lecture on Nebuchadnezzar II and the Chaldean Empire of 586 B.C. (Cranium Frenzy 2 (1982))
See also: Oing! Boing!
See also: Sproing! Oing! Boing! Trip! Pfpft! Poompf!
See also: Zip! Boing! Crash!
See also: Zip! Boing Oing-Oing! Whang! Ang!
See also: Zow! Zip Toss! Bungala Bungala Bungala Zoom Boing Zoop Zip Whump!

Boing! Oing!: Sigmund Freud turns a doorknob implanted in the stomach of William Howard Taft, causing the ex-president's head to disengage on a giant spring, something like a jack-in-the-box. "HAHAHA!" says Taft. "Oy vey!" screams Freud. (Fun in Acapulco (1982))

Boing! Thunk! Thunk!: A strange and grumpy creature in a very deep and narrow ditch is told a funny joke by a Morty Dog, and due to the unique face structure, the smile pops up suddenly (BOING!) and the sides of the mouth jut outward, implanting themselves into the side walls of the ditch. The creature thus being trapped, Morty tickles its feet, making it laugh, and the laughter fills the ditch like water, enabling Morty to float to the surface and escape. (Starhead Presents 1 (1986))

Boink!: A Morty Dog returns his spine to its proper lace after it had been ripped out by a shark. (Cranium Frenzy 5 (1985))
See also: Pop! Boink!

Boink! Boink!: A librarian looks out the window at a happy dog just bouncing along (Boink! Boink!) and thinks to himself, "That dog looks like he has an easy life, hmmm ..." (Gosky Comics (1986))

Boink! Boink! Boink! Boink! Boink! Boink! Boink!: Otto Manic's little thought arrows bounce off a Morty Dog as he makes a failed attempt to use his analytic powers to "penetrate the deeper meaning of the little mongrel." (Scratchez 8 (1986))

Bong!: Accompanied with musical notes. An informer is killed when a bowling ball (Bong!) is thrown at his cranium by an unknown person while he is being interviewed by Arnie Wormwood, P.I. (Cranium Frenzy 2 (1982))

Bong! Clang!: Harry, who simply accepts what life gives him, smiles as a bowling ball (Bong!) and a hammer (Clang) bounce off the top of his cranium. This sound effect includes musical notes. (Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))

Bonk!:
(1) A Morty Dog lands hard on Earth after being kicked out of Heaven by an angel. (Cartoon Loonacy 1 (1984))
(2) The severed head of Lord Oliver Crumwell, many years after he had been executed in England for treason in the 1600s, accidentally fell out of a freak show wagon where he had been forced to perform as "The Singing Geek" for many years. He eventually helped Shakespeare write Hamlet, among other things.(Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))
(3) A meteorite crashes through the roof of a truck and onto the cranium of a terrorist about to make a rendezvous to transport the world's most destructive weapon. (Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))
(4) A space capsule flies headlong into the top point of a pyramid, after flying four months in a straight line-- proof that we live in a hollow Earth! (Cranium Frenzy 2 (1982))
(5) The creator of a Morty Dog has been turned into a brick, and is thrown at the mutt, hitting him in the head (Bonk!). It is quickly determined that Morty the Dog is dead, and a group of elves show up and sing:
Ding dong, the dog is dead!
The dog is dead!
The dog is dead!
Ding dong, the dirty old dog is dead!
Hi ho de Jackie O,
We'll put him in a dark deep hole,
And cover it tight,
So he won't rise no mo'!
(End of the Earth and Turn Left (1985))
(6) The sound of the HMS Glut sailing directly into an enormous globe of condensed ice in which a geriatric rabbit is frozen in the center. (Pacemaker Defect (1982))
See also: Eeeeeee Bonk!
See also: Flip! Crash! Bonk!
See also: Smak! Thud Bonk!
See also: Yank! Twirl Twirl R-r-rip! Snap Zip Bonk!
See also: Zip Bonk!
See also: Zow! Whump! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Zip! Bonk! Zow! Bonk! Whoompf! Bonk!

Bonk! Bam!: A Morty Dog walks into an invisible force field (BONK!) as he attempts to leave Grangemouth, Scotland. To test it out, he bangs his fist on it (BAM!). "He did find one portal of escape, but every time he went out his face somehow changed into that of Richard Nixon's!" So, Morty elected to remain in Grangemouth. (Over the Wall 8 (1985))

Bonk! Bonk!:
(1) Created when a Morty Dog's head cheerfully separates from his body and bounces with joy into the city limits of Topeka, Kansas. (From Tokeland To Topeka (1985))
(2) Made when a tire released by a circus clown at the back of the Dogtown Bus Lines bounces down the middle aisle toward the windshield (Cranium Station DMZ (1984))
(3) The clean shaven and bald head of Hitler bounces down some stairs after visiting a zealous Morty Dog barber. "Ach! My hair, Herr Dog!" The head continues to have adventures, however. (Amused To No End (1986))
(4) Bits of aesthetic craniums rain on the Earth, bouncing off the umbrellas (BONK x 2) of delighted Morty Dogs. (Morty the Dog Who Walks Like a Man (1987))
(5) Skulls BONK on the ground as the gravedigger tosses them as he makes ways for a new grave. (Tragedy of Morty, Prince of Denmarke 5 (1985))
See also: Whoosh! Crash! Zow! Bonk! Bonk! Smash! Zip! Zow! Zip! Skrash! Rrrrr-rrrr-sput-rrrr-sput Blink! Ka-rash!

Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!: See Kerploosh!!! Chomp! Grrrrp!!! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrip!!! Pop! Sproing!! Zow! Splat! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!

Bonk Bonk Bonk Bonk: See Slice! Bonk Bonk Bonk Bonk

Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!: See Zow! Whump! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Zip! Bonk! Zow! Bonk! Whoompf! Bonk!

Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Thud!: A rodent-like creature bounces four times down the stairs and lands at the bottom with a THUD. (Library Comix (1987))

Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Splat!: The heads of the Holier-Than-Thou guys (Bonk, etc.) followed by the pathetic-slimey-collective-soul-man (Splat) are hurled at the Big G's cranium where they make a direct hit. (Cartoon Loonacy 9 (1986))

Bonk! Bonk! Crash!: A spy-fly pushes a geriatric rabbit in a wheelchair down a hill (BONK! BONK!). The oblivious rabbit CRASHes into a meeting of the Cosa Nostral Space Program. (Pacemaker Defect (1982))

Bonk! Click! Rrrrrrrrroar!: Terrorists, mistaking a Morty Dog in a station wagon as one of their own, load the Z-33 missile through the back of the car, where it hits Morty, who is behind the steering wheel, in the back of the head (Bonk!). This in turn detonates the missile (Click!). And the car takes off, becoming a rocket out of control (Rrrrrrrrroar!). (Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))

Bonk! Clonk!: The sound of a Morty Dog falling down a flight of stairs. (Rise and Fall of Morty the Dog (1987))

Bonk!! Oofers! Whap!: The sound of a circus clown falling flat on the floor of the Dogtown Bus Lines coach as it grinds to a halt in order to avoid hitting a Morty Dog, and hence letting go of a tire he was holding. (Cranium Station DMZ (1984))

Boom!:
(1) Made by a cannon used by a Morty to shoot Wild Pointy Hat Guys from the underground world to the surface of the Earth in order to create havoc. (Bezango (1994))
(2) Senator Gassaway's limo, with the Senator in it, blows up when he opens a letter bomb that was really destined for a Morty Dog. (Cranium Frenzy 7 (1994))

Boom! Boom!:
(1)Horatio: Good Lord, my Lord! What in the Hell was that?!
Prince Morty: The King likes big noise. As he drains his draughts of Rhenish down, the kettledrum and trumpet thus bray out the 'triumph' of his pledge ...
(Tragedy of Morty, Prince of Denmarke 1 (1983))
(2) Pirates aboard the S.S. Smeg fire cannonballs at a ship that counts Prince Morty among the passengers. (Tragedy of Morty, Prince of Denmarke 4 (1984))
(3) Cannons herald the arrival of Fortinbrat. (Tragedy of Morty, Prince of Denmarke 5 (1985))
See also: Zzzz Boom! Boom Bam Ba-Zom

Boom! Boom! Boom!:
Pirates fire cannonballs (and the head of Lord Oliver Crumwell) in the Battle of Moot Point, off the shores of Colonial North Carolina. (Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))

Boot!:
(1) Made when Klansmen kick a Morty Dog out of Idaho and into Utah. (From Tokeland To Topeka (1985))
(2) A Morty Dog kicks Snoodle B. Clapsaddle out of a hole. (Cranium Frenzy 7 (1994))
(3)An angel with a cigarette dangling from his lip and a 5 o'clock shadow gets kicked out of the room when the Big G returns to his office. (Cranium Frenzy 8 (1995))
(4) A Morty Dog kicks the Big G out of the storyline, "Scram, Buster! We don't need the likes of you screwing up the works!" Big G: "Nngh!" (Cranium Frenzy 10 (2003))
See also: Zap Zap Boot! Poof!

Boot! Boot!: See Bumpety Bumpety Bumpety Bump Zip! Plip! Affix! Boot! Boot! Plup!

Boot! Shred Rip Rip Rip Rip Rip Rip Rip: A Morty Dog is elected President of the United States on the Republican ticket. In the Oval office, two overweight operatives approach Morty, "We're proud of you, Mr. President!" "Payment due, here's our want-list!" A long list with "Gimmie" as the caption title is unfurled. Morty responds with, "Piss off, sleazoids! I've got real work to do," and boots them out while shredding and ripping up the list at the same time. (Cranium Frenzy 7 (1994))

Bop Bop Bop Bop: A minister introduces God, a giant figure, to George, a cranky atheist. George immediately starts bopping on the enormous sandaled foot with his fist, "Where's the wires? Is this cardboard or fiberglass? How is it made?" (Random Reflections (1976))

Bop! Gak!: The creator of a Morty Dog appears in a town disguised as the mutt, much to his regret as the first citizen approaches him with a punch (Bop!) and the next one chokes him (Gak!) in retaliation for various shady dealings. (End of the Earth and Turn left (1985))

Bra-ap: See Brap Bra-ap Rat-a-tat-tat Pow Pow Pow

Bra-ap! Brap! Pow Pow!: Combat noises as terrorists and the military fight it out at the Parvo Nakacheker Institute for Weapons Research. (Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))

Bra-ap-a-brap-akaka! Gaarr! Arrr! Yaaar!: Survivalists with automatic weapons get primal in the post-nuclear holocaust world. (Starhead Comix 6 (1983))

Brap!: See Bra-ap! Brap! Pow Pow!

Brap Bra-ap Rat-a-tat-tat Pow Pow Pow: Capt. Clutch and the Incredible Commando Raiders are ambushed by the enemy. (Cranium Frenzy 1 (1981))

Brrrrrg! Zip!: In the 22nd century, Dave Kapser's alarm (Brrrrrg!) wakes him up, causing his head to zip out of the pillow in a jolt. (Human Beings (1985))

Brunch!: See Bend! Collide! Brunch! Crunch! Bash! Crash! Bump!

Bump!: Snoodle B. Clapsaddle is knocked to the ground after his runaway lawnmower knocks him loose after racing over a bump. (Cranium Frenzy 7 (1994))
See also: Bend! Collide! Brunch! Crunch! Bash! Crash! Bump!
See also: Bumpety Bumpety Bumpety Bump Zip! Plip! Affix! Boot! Boot! Plup!

Bumpety Bumpety Bumpety Bump Zip! Plip! Affix! Boot! Boot! Plup!: Corporate climber Minden Hart has his head re-attached to his body thanks to the Morty Dog therapy program. Morty dribbles Minden's head like a basketball (BUMPETY x3 BUMP), then shoots it through a basketball hoop (ZIP!). Minden's body is below the hoop, and his head falls back into place (PLIP! AFFIX!). Morty then states, "Now the next step is rather crude, but effective. None of this candyass shrink stuff here ..." and with that he gives Minden a hard BOOT! in the behind.
Morty: Is your head together? Are you cured yet?
Minden: I ... I ... don't know! I'm ... so ... so ... confused!
Morty: Boot 2, Brute?
[BOOTs him a second time]
Morty: Now?
Minden: I'm cured, I'm cured! I see the light!
Morty: Great! Now I want you to be tough, strong, hard as a rock! Go back there and raise Hell!
Minden: Yes ... yes. Tough, strong, hard as a rock! [As Minden advances, he starts to turn to stone] I'm tough ... strong ... hard as a ro ... ck*
[At this point Minden has turned into a statue. A small bird bird lands on his head and does what birds do on statues, PLUP!] (Natural Functions (1986))

Bungala Bungala Bungala: See Zow! Zip Toss! Bungala Bungala Bungala Zoom Boing Zoop Zip Whump!

Bungla Bungla Bungla: Made when a group of men with frogs stuck in the top of their craniums manually lift and carry their too-near-the-shoreline dwelling. (Bezango (1994))

Bzzzz! Bzzzz! Ying! Yoing!: "Roy goes to the mirror lookingly, un anlucky mirage. As he stares, the truth tube connects with the reflected pores of his pupils ..." Easier seen than explained in text, obviously. (Pacemaker Defect (1982))